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Where Does the Doomsday Train Go? #01 — Crazyish Train


I understand the premise. Please stop repeating it.


My impressions from the promos was that this wouldn’t be too wacky, but boy, did the opening minutes try to go out of their way to prove me wrong, and then followed it up by making a concerted effort to be really, really tediously boring. Okay, so the awful CGI was pretty boring too, but anyway… A crowd ropes some random girl into officially kicking off 7G, a wifi network psychically connecting everybody. You want cybermen? This is how you get cybermen. Anyway, instead, it unleashes a psychic nightmare across the world, twisting it in various ways. For example, in one village, every adult gets turned into an animal, still with their minds intact. But you know what was not intact? The animation. There’s about a five minute span that’s little more than just panning over scenery, listening to exposition.

The reason why I’m going out of my way to summarize all this isn’t just because it’s sufficiently weird, but because about 85% of the dialogue is random characters just announcing and explaining what happened. I think the explanation about people turning into animals is repeated at least five or six times, just to make sure you didn’t miss it. Hell, grandma guinea pig cries, and then characters explain that she was crying. Which leaves the episode not so much as wacky misadventures in some kind of goofy world, but about three or four minutes of explaining the premise over and over and over and over and OVER. The other 15% is just the girls doing literal schtick. Legitimately, it sounds like a stand-up routine, unconnected to anything that wouldn’t be unusual if it had someone thwapping the other with a paper fan every fifteen seconds. 

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